she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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