I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
