Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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