btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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