Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Randomize
