i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
