Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
