someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
