How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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