thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
