I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
