You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
