Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
