MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
