So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
