i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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