ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
