did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
