Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
