I've blown a few things in my day
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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