you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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