I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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