I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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