Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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