there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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