What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
