He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
