went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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