In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
