Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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