i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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