Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
