I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
