It's like God shit irony all over that family
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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