if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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