So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
