Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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