Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
