Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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