So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
