During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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