we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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