its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
