he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
