when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
