420 ftw
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
