Can i not drive my cunt home
too bad you live with your parents still
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
