dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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