yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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