Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
