why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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