I hate all girls vehemently.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
