You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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