i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
