You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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