Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
