A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
