I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
