Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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